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8:51 p.m. - 2016-04-25
Dudas sobre mi matrimonio
I am still very disappointed and angry with my husband. I am very angry he has brought this sort of thing on us. Not like we have no other problems already.
I love him and don't know how could I live without him.. And yet I spend time imagining that I left him and I moved in and my life if better. All the problems I've got in my life that are connected to my husband gone.
I dislike his family very much. Wouldn't have to think of these in-kawa anymore.
I imagine myself with other man that hypothetical man would be stereotypically fit for someone like me.
There's so much wrong about me and my husband.
I was told we are soul-mates.
I recently have heard for the first time in my life that being with your true soul-Mate can be actually consuming and devastating.
Well.. We have kids together so yes I take that into account when I am deciding not to leave him.
But then I imagine myself that second husband and I can only imagine myself with him in the context of my (current) husband. I imagine coming over here with my new man for some kid related event and my current husband with his new partner. I imagine myself how he would still live in this house and how it wouldn't be my problem anymore ... The roof the state of the garden the dogs ... All that would be none of my business. But I'm always standing there with my new man in front of my (now) home.
I imagine my new man calling my my name and having his eyes for me only. My vision of perfect new man is a bit ... Well I have weird husband now. My new man would be different in so so so many ways.
I don't know if I love him or are just afraid of being without him.
Well I do know what I apreciate about my husband .. But.
Maybe it's the gaslighting effect.

8:32 p.m. - 2016-04-25
Been through some seriouse mess recently. Its something i would never imagine i can live though tbh. And yet here I am still alive. Recieving all the amazing help from the Angels. All my prayers been answered. I'm very very thankful. To know the universe acknowledges me is pretty awesome but to actually know things are well-planned and divine source is looking after me every step of the way is life-changing.
A year ago I started seeing Angel numbers. Slowly but surly I got convinced by my GA that she's very real.
I see angel numbers in great quantities and also the people I told about it were shown the signs so now they believe. As oppose to myself who doesn't have to believe because I just KNOW.
I can scent angels or spirits too. I've experienced it before I knew of angels I just didn't know.
It's beautiful unexplained scent that just appears briefly.
The first time I recall scenting it was about 15years ago. These days I can scent it more often.
Last time I travelled it was 11000km journey and my planes were all late and that combined with my DTD was hudge stress. It went as smoothly as possible though. Every mile stone of our trip was marked with my special Angel number. Thank you A. You're the best.

8:45 p.m. - 2016-04-19
A decade later
Re-visiting my old life. I've been reading and deleting some parts of this diary for the last few days now. It was awesome to be able to go back .. Even though it's horrible writing and bad English and I was quite awful person back then.
So ..
A decade later
I'm a mum I'm a wife. I don't suffer from depression anymore.


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