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6:58 p.m. - 2007-07-13
where is everybody?
hmmm..i suppouse you just got on with your lives.

i got myself a little life too.
ive got a boy-friend since 6 months, and about5weeks ago we moved i together.
not hard to guess it must be a special bloke. to be with me so long and to actually want to move in with me..without anybody putting a gun to his head
well..i know i was single all my live and am a bit crazy
but still..
i say..those relationships are sooooooooooooo over-rated!!!!!!!!!!
ok,its wonderful to have somebody next to you everytime you wake up and fall asleep..and its great not to be bullied by all coupled people, mainly women. and thers a lot to be happy about..
take today.
i wanted to take a walk to the town after work, do some shopping and then go home and think what we eat tonight..and so on

4:50 p.m. - 2007-02-13
I'm in love

..and i actually mean it! hope everyone feels loved.
i love you!!! i love everyone. im happy!!

its all happening..i think. not sure. sometimes it seems i only have imagined it all...
theres a possibility that im a little bit sort of love!

i think its like first time in my sad life i actually have somebody for valentines day.
its my friend. was.
we used to say we're friends for like 2 and a half years..but now that we r talking about it all and remembering everything how we met and who said what and all the shows you we always had something going we were attrackted to one another.
hes he's the sames i guess its just this LOVE thing so amazing making people to be incredible. hes that same, im the same. i trust him and he accepts me and its all good and always was. i think the only new thing is sex. to start with. i was like- wow!!! is that my friend?! if i knew waht he can do we would stop being just friends long time ago. but he does also all this lovey dovey stuff..i don't know how many cards for vals i got..i get like 3 a day. my room is full of them. they r full of i-love-yous and all that..but the big thing was one night we were on the phone and we really really had to finnish and sleep as we're working next day..and then after goodnight he went quiet and then said i love you..and i was like know..but then i said 'i love you too'. not 'me too'.. but i was im not going to let myslef fall. no way. but then..when we are not together we talk all night. one time i just fell asleep and he didn't hang up for a long time..said finally he did thinking my batt will go flat. i cant sleep if i dont talk to him before and everyday he wakes me up..
funny that..
all that pink,chocolate, heart-shaped stuff suddenly makes sense..i meen i know that people actually buy it and enjoy it.

yeah,yeah, i know it wont last and we will probably split..and even if not he's going back to his country some time this year.. now he has a reason to hesitate, but i cant keep him.
it won't last thats for sure. but..
its so worth it..worth me tears later on..they will come..but hey-ho..
i love LOVE!

im going home in 2 weeks for a fortnight. he says hes going to die:) i've decided not to fall in love, but..he is so good to me and i loved him for a long time before anything happened..i loved the person he is and the way i feel when im near him...
still cant believe it and everytime he calls me or we meet i expect to wake up from a so strange.

rite. that's the cheesy lovey stuff.

11:25 a.m. - 2007-01-24
Having sex with my friend
heres what happened.

this rdk tells me he likes me so much..actually he tells me im he loves me and if he only could...
piotrek-the one i slept with some 2 years ago, here in england ..well he emails me and tells me he likes me so much. hes got g-friend and everything, but says im so special to him and blabla...well its not 'blabla' realy. i do get what he means and why he thinks so and i kno he means it.
one is in Prague ,other is in Poland. i wont be with piotrek. he probably woluld like to have me keep me in the sleepingbag or something. there is a time in your life when they come handy,but most people don't use sleepingbags on regular basis,innit? its only for some unusual situations you make use of them. and they r handy, nice and warm..maybe even lifesaving..sometimes its all you have for a substitute of a home..yet its not what youd use on day to day basis.
rdk well hes lovely,but doeas he want me? or his dream about a girl,who he tries to belive i impersonate. been there, done that. still i DO love him and care for him and he is good to me and is my subtitute for...whatever it is i want.
then we have zack. thats well funny. he rung me xmas, then i rung him. he was at work-just txted me . never rung back. okay. last friday he rings me. what u doing? im off. Off???!! d'u wanna meet?? nah, im busy. wot u doing then? im going to see rocky. RockyBalboa?yeah.Who with? i laugh. a friend. boy o gal? boy. Boy-friend then? wot he is..a friend. he goes like- ohh-vry sadly. then ia laugh. he goes- meet me, just one time. i say-no,im sorry. im seeing him now. zack- what country is he from? i laugh-whats the differance what country?! zack wants to know. here you can wonder why. doeas he think "oh shes got Polish guy now' or aha! she went for a English bloke- aha!!hahaha!! is that so. anyway i tell him the country. dony know where that is. s tell him what continent- oh,rite. lets meet!! i say- no zack. i can c why you think of me what you think,but i wouldnt do that. im seeing him now. too late. your like one day too late,mate. its my best friend. was my best friend till yesterday when we happen to have sex. Had you rung me wednesday youd have me in your bed now. becacue i haven't slept with anybody since last time a saw you! 1.5 a year!! and i would love to see you. i like you and i think of you and i worry about you..but i happen to do what i did with him and i have to find out what it means now.
so..thats what happened. went to cinema with a frind, then we went to his place to watch my bothers wedding dvd. then we watched 'i tu madre tambien' it was late. went to train station. my train was late. he said i wouldn't make it to catch another train so he can't let me go so i cry in the mid of the night alone in guldfd. i was like i must go,i must go...while we walked back to his palce. we were sort of affraid to sleep/ stayed up till2. then i said-enough we must sleep- both working tomorrrow. he gave me his football tshirt to sleep in. asked if w wanted some tracksuit bottomes too. nah. i went to bathroom, but came back dressed.he went,i chaneged, but kept my jeans on. he came back and said he must sleep on the floor. i was like. we can putt the matteres on the floor coz this bed is//he was like no! its to i say sleep in bed. i trust you( hahaha-so funny now!) its a big sleep ther i sleep here. he was like okay, but just stood ther like this bed was well to scary to enter. i laught and said-don't be affriad, ill be good. ( i know what i meant, but what he thought i do not know) so we were i bed. he actually kept his jeans on:) i was wearing me knee high socks and knickers and bra and this rooney english footbal team tshirt. he laught he made me wear it. we were to sleep. well. me at least i tried. he was just laying there makeing all this noises what mean i want to shag you, not sleep! he touched my neck. i said before i shall kick him if neccesary. well i just said. sleeeeep. but really that woludn't stop anyone..actually would turn one on..with that kind of voice. anyway he was trying to touch me ai was like no,no no. don't. we cant. its a bad bad bad idea.but..well im so easy. you touch me where it's nice and i just melt. so we did it. it was mad. we've done like half the kamasutra..and he was very good. i couldn't belive ive done it with him anyway and plus he was sooooooo GOOD! and ive done it with him, things I have never done b4. and it was so mad. i had a attack of laughter. i usually get it like once with each guy. i don't know if its just nerves or some L-point in my body. i laught and laught. that was wdnesday. we've met ona friday again. went to see taht rocky and then to his town. i barley made it for work on sat. and i had 2 12hrs shifts ahead of me. now he learns polish and tells me he loves me and does stuff for me. even gets me topup for my mobile! he's lovely and i told him many times before i loved him( as a friend) but now..what i feel is...dunno. but im not in love.

im a bitch

11:49 a.m. - 2005-11-18
My mate went back to his country and is killing me too..if he's not coming back i will visit him for sure, but is not the same so thought id go there too..probably wouldn't but one can dream, nah? otha friend is getting crap coz theyve got a 3-year-old.
I don't want to grow up!! yes i cannot help growing old br>when zack have rung i said no, no and no//to questions would he ever see me agian would i have sex with him agin and somthing else,,oh- yeah- dont you like me anymore..said no no i like you..and i siad i havent got any new boy-friend and stuff..i think it was sorta show off. i'll ring sum chick and talk like that and lets see what she says.. and i was efing kind.. damn...

3:14 p.m. - 2005-09-29
Koniec z z
The thing with Z is over. i mean over over. finito.

1:34 p.m. - 2005-08-23
not going just yet
r>so.. dont know weather i should really really i mean for Reral stop meeting up with zack. im thinking-he's so young and its no good to let him stuck in this relationship with me, hes a nice boy and actually could make some girl very happy AND she'd make HIM as much i should not sopil him before it happens. i obviously hope he's clever and won't go wrong,but still..should i take a risk. I mean-i didn't want to date him..after first date we just focused on going to bed and that's all we do. he was asking me to go out with him here and there, but that was then. now he accepted the fact we only fack and is not even tryiong anmore to ask me if he's my lover or..well..yeah he did asked if i have missed him last time, but think he meant sex only. thinking-this is wrong. didn't want him to be like permamently. of course i hope he'll meet normal girl and they will go out as well as go to bed, but.. don't know.


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